There are times when I hear:
-Why do you care so much about adoption?
-You were a baby, you can’t remember it, so what’s the big deal?
-Your Adoption happened a long time ago, get over it already.
-You are lucky you were given a nice home, it could have been much worse.
-You were given a life of privilege, you should be grateful for that.
-Your adoptive parents chose you, they wanted you, that’s not always the case in non-adoptive family’s.
-Everyone has problems, you are no different.
-You are hurting your adoptive parents by sharing all this, don’t you care about them and their feelings, they did the best they could for you.
-How can Adoption be trauma if you can’t remember it.
-If you hadn’t been told you were adopted, you would never know and it wouldn’t have made a difference.
….. I could go on and on
(***note- these are the questions and comments I have faced as a white, female, domestic adoptee. The questions, comments, and ignorance international and transracial adoptees face is something I will never fully be able to understand. My heart goes out to my brothers and sisters who have experienced this. Change is certainly needed in the adoption community, especially for this group)
To these comments I say- you are right, I am privileged. I am a white female, adopted into a white affluent family. I have had access to good education, extra curricular activities, and social connections that have helped me go far. I have traveled the world. I have nice clothes, a nice home, and been given anything I have ever wanted or needed. There wasn’t a single Birthday that passed where I wasn’t given an amazing party, or a Christmas where I didn’t receive every single thing I asked for.
So why isn’t this enough???? why aren’t I just grateful???? Really now, what is my problem??
I am grateful. I am grateful to have been given so much. I am grateful to be in a position where I don’t have to worry about meeting my, or my daughters basic needs. I am grateful for my education, my travel, my experiences. And
because I believe, deep in my soul: “to whom much is given, much is required”
I have been given so much. I am grateful, I am privileged; and that puts me in a position where I can speak out and help others. To stand for those who are unable to stand up for themselves. To help create a community of support and validation for adoptees. To advocate for open records and adoptee rights. To help create avenues for adoptive parents to better support their children. To help people share their stories, connect with others, and bring us together, so this lonely journey of adoption, can feel a little less lonely.
Here are some facts-
Adoptees are twice as likely to need psychiatric services. Adoptees make up 25-35% of young people in psychiatric treatment centers, while they only occupy 2.5% of the population of children under 18 . Adoptees are 4x more likely to commit suicide. Adoptees are disproportionately represented with learning disabilities (in the video I have attached it is estimated 90% of adoptees have been diagnosed with attention deficit, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
Young women are still being coerced into placing their baby’s. They do this without being educated on the facts of adoption, or being provided with access to services that could help them parent their child. International adoptions that are unethical an immoral are still occurring. Children are being taken from their country of origin by couples who haven’t been educated or given access to information about the needs of international and transracial adoptees. International adoptions are occurring and there is no paper trail to connect them to their origins later in life. Adoptees aren’t given the tools or support to navigate relinquishment trauma, and all the underlying emotions that come with that. Adoptees are being told to be grateful, and the dichotomy of being adopted is ignored. There are adoptive parent who are doing an amazing job supporting their adoptive children- and we need to connect those parents with parents who are struggling. That’s creating community. Adoptees in many states still do not have access to their original birth certificates; Adoptees and birth parents are dying without ever making it to reunion. Lawmakers and society as a whole has turned their backs on adoptees need for finally finding out where they come from. (I could go on and on, but you see my point).
So, in conclusion. I have been given so much, I have had access to therapy that has helped me work through my trauma. I have been able to reunite with my birth family. Now how can I sit back and feel content with that, when so many are still suffering, and injustices are still occurring. I thank everyone who is following me and Blain on this journey. I do not take your support for granted; and we are here for you. We care. We want to help. We want to be a slice of the change that we wish to see in this world. I have attached a video I believe so wonderfully describes the plight of he adoptee, I think with education and support, there is a better, healthier, environment for the triad to live in.
Below is a powerful video that I encourage all to watch. It is eye opening, and portrays the psychological realities of adoptees.